First Generation Diaries: Why I’m Hispanic and don't speak Spanish

The First Generation Diaries series explores my individual experiences as a first generation Salvadoran- and Greek-American. No one’s experience as a first generation is exactly the same; we all have our unique stories to tell. However, there are some experiences that share similar qualities across certain first generation populations. I hope this series can be eye opening and/or allows people to not feel quite so alone - even if our exact experiences are different, sentiments and general themes may be the same.

When someone finds out my parents are Salvadoran and Greek, I often get asked if I also speak Spanish and Greek. The truth is that I’m only fluent in English; I’m an intermediate Spanish speaker who can’t quite keep up with a regular adult conversation even though I understand a lot of it. I’m least fluent in Greek; I only understand a few words and phrases. When I explain this, most people say it’s a shame, and I often feel that way too. I more often get asked if I speak Spanish as opposed to Greek because (1) Spanish is more commonly spoken in the USA compared to Greek, and (2) people more often expect someone to know their mom’s mother tongue in comparison to their dad’s.

With this knowledge, I want to give a couple reasons why someone may not understand their parent’s language by sharing my own experiences. Although I don’t personally think someone is being disrespectful for asking if I know my parents’ first languages, it tends to be a relatively complex topic for many. I do understand you may want to ask if you are double checking for work-language purposes or because you would like to speak to someone in that language.

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My background in the Greek language: My lack of Greek language skills is the shorter story of the two, so we’ll start with that one first. The simple fact is that my dad personally felt like since we lived in the USA, we didn’t have a reason to learn Greek. We’ve spoken solely in English my entire life, and he’s never questioned this unless one of his friends questions why my sister and I don’t know Greek. I did go to my dad's hometown in Greece for a month every 2-3 years, where I picked up a couple phrases. I also went to Greek school once a week at our local Greek Orthodox church for 2 years, which my mom (the non-Greek speaker) would drive us to. However, this did not prove to be successful since the classes were meant for kids who already spoke Greek at home but needed some more formal language, reading, and writing skills.

My background in the Spanish language: My lack of Spanish fluency is a little more complex; my sister is fluent even though I’m not. When I hear Central Americans speaking Spanish, it sounds like home and comfort to me, even if I don’t sound or speak like them. I actually spent the first 1.5-2 years of my life speaking both Spanish and English with my mom and sister. However, when my sister was being enrolled into EEEP (Extended Elementary Education Program), a public program which enables 4 year olds to attend elementary school one year early (before Kindergarten) if they live in an area that’s classified as part of a lower-income elementary school, my mom was told that if my sister was bilingual, she would have to take ESOL (English as a Second or Foreign Language). ESOL would pull my sister out of regular classes to learn English even if my sister already spoke English as fluently as any 3-4 year old could. My mom, being an immigrant, wanted the best education for her kids and was afraid she would not be giving us the best start to our education in the USA and that we may not be well-integrated if we went to ESOL. Therefore, from then on, my mom vowed to only speak to us in English (even if she wasn’t fluent in the language herself). So, therefore, I was 1.5-2 years old and my sister was 3.5-4 years old when our mom stopped speaking in Spanish to us. Then, after years of only speaking in English to each other, it fell out of common-place for us to speak in Spanish to each other all together. Language learning has always been difficult for me, and it was extremely challenging on my mom and amazing teachers to keep me in the grade’s average-level English class for my entire time at elementary school because my writing and reading was so poor. I remember my mom would read with me for 2 hours every day so I could stay on grade level. Later on, I did take Spanish from 7th to 11th grade and attended weekly Catholic church services in Spanish, which both did help get me to my intermediate Spanish today, but in no way am I fluent. It’s plainly obvious I speak in an American accent and do not have an adequate amount of vocabulary or grammar to form sentences seamlessly. I will say that a couple years after I attended EEEP, Montgomery County Public Schools did make policy changes that no longer required bilingual students to go to ESOL as long as they had an age appropriate understanding of English.

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So you may be asking why this policy was set for bilingual kids: The old policy of placing bilingual kids in ESOL was based on scientific research at the time that young bilingual kids did not have the same breadth of vocabulary and language skills in one single language in comparison to single-language speakers. It’s truly a shame because further and later research in the mid-1990s actually proved that although it takes bilingual kids a little longer to reach the language skills in either of their two languages, they often tend to surpass their single-language user counterparts in language abilities and that being bilingual is good for cognitive development. Consider some research which was beginning to explore some of these concepts a little further in the 1990s (Valdes, 1992; Crawford, 1997). What's more is that research also indicates that kids become more adept and better able to learn languages in the future if their primary caregiver speaks to them in their first language (Cummins, 2001). This is because the kid would be properly introduced to grammar and a breadth of vocabulary from one language, which is much more easily transferable to other languages in the future, compared to if a caregiver spoke in a language that they were not fluent in that would teach a kid incorrect grammar, spelling, and speaking rules, along with a limited vocabulary to describe the world around them. This goes to show that it’s extremely important to understand policy implications prior to making them - I’m sure Montgomery County Public School policy makers thought they were acting in the best interest of students who attended their schools, but in the end, I can’t help but feel that implementing that policy robbed me and many others like me (who are now in their late twenties and early thirties) of their ability to more deeply connect with their family members and community. I want to also say that ESOL can be a wonderful program; I know many close bilingual friends who have taken ESOL classes to improve their English skills at different points in their school years and in no way did it appear to impede on their education. I am only saying that past practices of indirectly threatening immigrant parents with pulling their kid out of standard classes that their peers would be in to attend ESOL classes was a scary concept to many immigrant parents. This is because immigrant parents, like any other parent, want their kids to feel like they fit in and want to ensure they didn’t miss out on the education that their peers are getting. All parents want to set their kids up for success.

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Fast forward to today: This now leads us to the current state of my family’s and my feelings about my Spanish-speaking skills. My mom feels a little ashamed that I am not fluent in Spanish and feels like it’s our fault I don’t speak Spanish fluently. Yet, it wasn’t our fault; my mom did what she thought was best for my education and I just find language-learning a bit more difficult than the average person. Yet, I also have my own feelings on my Spanish abilities. There’s a tender part of me that wants to connect to my community by being able to speak Spanish more fluently; there’s an angry part of me that is upset with the previous public education policies that essentially “Americanized” me and made me lose some touch with my identity and roots; finally, there’s a rebellious part of me that acknowledges that Spanish is the language of only part of my Salvadoran ancestry because another part of my ancestry would have spoken Mayan and Pipil languages a few generations back before those languages were stamped out of many populations by Spaniards. One of the emotions (tender, angry, and rebellious) tends to take a more central stage at different points in my life. However, I'm a multi-faceted person, and I'm prioritizing my development in other fields right now over my Spanish language learning. I hope in a couple of years that will change, and when it does, I look forward to continuing my Spanish education with a Central American teacher.

So going back to that example of the inevitable question I get about if I speak Spanish. When I'm presented with the question, I explain that I can speak Spanish intermediately, but I’m by no means fluent. During which the memories and emotions I described above well up inside me before the person who asked me the question says, “Oh, that’s a shame you don’t know Spanish fluently. Have you thought about taking classes?”.